Saturday, February 11, 2017

sixtysomething Episode #17 Moana COD

FADE IN
HELEN AND HER HELPER, TERRY ARE WORKING IN HER KITCHEN.  HELEN IS CUTTING SANDWICHES INTO THE SHAPE OF A FLIP FLOP SANDAL AND TERRY IS APPLYING SLENDER STRIPS OF CARROT AND CELERY TO RESEMBLE STRAPS


HELEN
We'll I guess that's one advantage of being a grandma Terry, you know who Moana is.  I would have been totally clueless.

TERRY (hoarsely) 
Yeah.  We had an all Moana Christmas and I am so sick of those songs...

HELEN
You're sick sick.  You sound like crap.

TERRY
No, I'm better.  I'm OK really.  My throat is just a little sore.

HELEN WIPES HER HAND ON A TOWEL AND APPLIES IT TO TERRY'S FOREHEAD

HELEN
Tienes calentura.  You're out of here.

TERRY
Let's just finish this stuff up and I'll do the drop off and go home.

HELEN
Nope.  I'll finish and drop it off myself. Client is a high maintenance bitch anyway. And cheap, to boot.  Probably best that I take care of it.   I'm calling you an Uber.

HELEN PICKS UP HER PHONE

TERRY
I take another aspirina and I can finish. There's too much for you.

HELEN
William will be here in a green Prius in seven minutes.  Just give me the key to the van.  We don't have anything until that cocktail thing in South Pas on Wednesday so stay home.  And tell them to stop playing that Moana crap so you can get some rest.

CUT TO
HELEN MANEUVERS THE VAN UP A LONG STEEP DRIVEWAY, PARKS AND REMOVES A LARGE TRAY.  A YOUNG HISPANIC WOMAN--GLORIA--THE HOUSEKEEPER, COMES OUT THE BACKDOOR FOLLOWED BY DAPHNE, A SIX YEAR OLD GIRL IN A POLYNESIAN DRESS.

HELEN
I'm dropping the catering.

THE WOMAN AND HELEN CARRY TRAYS FROM THE VAN INTO THE KITCHEN.

DAPHNE
I'm Moana!

HELEN
Yes, I see that.  Is it your birthday?

DAPHNE
I'm six! 

DAPHNE REACHES UP TO THE COUNTER AND STARTS TO PEEL BACK THE FOIL FROM ONE OF THE TRAYS.

GLORIA
Not now Daphne,  Leave it alone.  Wait for the party.

DAPHNE
I'm not Daphne.  I'm Moana.  Mommy's having a massage and Daddy's at the Gelson's getting my cake.. 

HELEN
That's great Moana.  Mommy should be nice and relaxed and you'll have a fun party.  I made the most yummy food I could think of for you.

HELEN (to housekeeper)
Everything's labelled.  You just have to stick the fruit skewers into the pineapple. Put the coconut chicken meatballs covered at about 325 for twenty minutes before you plate them.  The dragon eggs, and the flip flop sandwiches can go straight to the plate. Here's a bag of herbs to garnish them with.
Do you think Annie will come out soon?  I need to get paid.

GLORIA
We can't bother her when she's having a massage but it shouldn't be too long.  This food looks so good.  How do you get the hard boiled eggs so purple?

HELEN
They're marbleized. You cook 'em and gently crack the shells and soak 'em over night in food coloring.  The yoke filling has sesame oil and a little wasabi.  Everything is gluten free except the sandwiches.

SFX--SHRILL WOMAN'S VOICE--
Gloria!  Gloria!

ANNIE, IN A THICK PINK TERRYCLOTH ROBE RUSHES INTO THE KITCHEN.

ANNIE
Gloria, Pixie pooped on the lawn again.   Right where we're putting the party favors. (LOOKING AT HELEN)  Oh, you're the caterer.

GLORIA GRABS A PLASTIC BAG AND EXITS

HELEN
Right. Helen.  I told Gloria how to plate everything so you just need to take care of the balance.

ANNIE
All this stuff is on foil trays!  We can't put out foil trays!

HELEN
Yeah, You contracted for a drop off.  That means we don't plate or serve.  I was super clear about that.  I guess you don't remember.

ANNIE
I don't wanna use my good serving stuff for a bunch of kids.  I really thought you'd provide something.

HELEN
I can pull up the contract on my phone if you want to check it.

ANNIE
No, I don't have time for this now.  I have to get showered and dressed!  

ANNIE EXAMINES THE TRAYS

ANNIE
I see the gluten free.  Where's the vegan?

HELEN
The fruit skewers are vegan.  You said you needed some gluten free, which is everything but the sandwiches.  I asked about vegan and you said no.  I have the contract...

ANNIE
Well, Wendy and little Joyce are coming now.
They're vegans!

HELEN
Don't have ESP. Could have done something if you'd let me now.  Chloe, the vegan restaurant next to the Wholefoods 365 can probably do some stuff for you. Or there's that Little Pine place on Rowena but they might not be open...

ANNIE
Can you have it back here before noon when the party starts?

HELEN
You'll have to get someone else to take care of it Annie.  I have you scheduled for a drop off only.  I just need you to take care of the balance...

ANNIE
I think I already paid you.

HELEN (HANDING ANNIE INVOICE)
Nope.  That was a deposit.  Here's the invoice with the balance due...

ANNIE
Ok.  Just leave it. We'll mail you a check.

HELEN
Sorry.  We don't extend credit.  You'll have to take care of it now.

GLORIA RETURNS, GOES TO THE SINK AND WASHES HER HANDS

ANNIE
Gloria, go get my purse.  She didn't bring anything vegan so you'll have to go over and pick something up.  What's the name of the place?

HELEN
Chloe.

GLORIA ENTERS AND HANDS ANNIE HER PURSE.  ANY REMOVES A CARD FROM HER WALLET AND HELEN RUNS SLIDES IT THROUGH HER PHONE.  HELEN GRIMACES AND THEN SLIDES IT AGAIN.


HELEN
Annie, this card isn't working.  Do you have another?

ANNIE
Oh, those phone things never work right.  Try it again.  

HELEN SWIPES THE CARD ONE MORE TIME

HELEN
Sorry Annie, Let's try another card.

ANNIE
Let me write you a check.

HELEN
I'll need you to try another card please Annie.

ANNIE, IRRITATED, PRESENTS HELEN WITH ANOTHER CREDIT CARD.  HELEN SWIPES IT.

HELEN
That one worked.  We'll e-mail you the receipt.  

ANNIE
Gloria, run over to that place and get something vegan.   And then get the party bags set up and try to put the food on something not breakable.  You better take Daphne with you cause I'm going to be in the shower.

ANNIE EXITS.  HELEN ROLLS HER EYES

GLORIA
Her husband is nice and I like the little girl.  Good you made her pay.

HELEN
Que puta!

GLORIA
De veres.

CUT TO HELEN DRIVING VAN DOWN STEEP DRIVEWAY.
SFX--RADIO
TRUMP
They're criminals and take jobs away from American citizens...

HELEN PUSHED TO CHANGE TO A HIP HOP STATION AND BOPS HER HEAD

Fade out





No comments: