Friday, January 27, 2017

sixtynothing episode 15 Love-sad, Hate-sad

INEZ, NATE, HELEN AND EMMA, ALL IN PINK PUSSYHATS, ARE IN A GIANT SEA OF MARCHERS AT PERSHING SQUARE.  EMMA CARRIES A SIGN THAT SAYS "WHAT MERYL SAID."  NATE'S SAYS "THERE ARE SMARTER CABINETS AT IKEA."  

HELEN (pointing to a sign)
Oh look. There's Princess Leia.  See it says "We're the Resistance."  Poor Carrie.  

INEZ
Em and Nate have good signs.  We should have made signs.

HELEN
I couldn't think of anything good.  There are some real stupid ones.

INEZ
Yeah, I could live without the Fallopian tube diagrams. 

HELEN
Oh, look.  Women spelled with an "i"  

INEZ
Doesn't it make you sort of nostalgic?

HELEN
Never my thing.

EMMA
I don't get it.

INEZ
Oh, in the 70s some feminists started using "i" or "y" because women ends with "men."

HELEN
Remember the big thing with the Venus symbol for female?  At first they added an extra line to turn it into an "equal" sign and they decided that "equal" was retrogressive and tons of buttons and tee-shirts got thrown out.

INEZ (pointing to a sign that says "Worst Episode of Black Mirror Ever!)
Those were the days.  Oh, look.  I like that one!

HELEN (pointing to a man in a Putin mask operating a Trump marionette) 
Check out that guy!


A RAGTAG BAND WITH A TUBA, DRUMS AND SAXOPHONES WENDS ITS WAY THROUGH THE CROWD PLAYING "WE SHALL OVERCOME."  MARCHERS SING ALONG.

EMMA
Nezy, tell my mom not to sing.

INEZ
Helen, don't sing.

HELEN
Fuck you both.

NATE (TO EMMA)
Your mom's such a classy broad...

EMMA
I thought they'd get some old hippie protest spirit going but all they're doing is critiquing the signs.

INEZ
You children want some old hippie protest spirit?  (She starts to sing) "And it's one, two, three, what are we fighting for?"

OLDER MARCHERS AND EVEN HELEN JOIN IN SINGING

CROWD
"Don't ask me, I don't give a damn.  Next stop is Vietnam.  And it's five, six, seven open up the pearly gates.  There ain't no time to wonder why, yipee, we're all gonna die..."

CUT TO
EMMA, NATE, HELEN AND INEZ SIT AT A TABLE AT A CHINESE RESTAURANT, FILLED WITH OTHER MARCHERS.  SIX WOMEN WOMEN OF DIFFERENT AGES AND A YOUNG MAN WEARING A BOWLER SIT AT THE NEXT TABLE.

YOUNG MAN (LEANING BACK IN HIS CHAIR)
At least Obama pardoned Chelsea Manning.  He should have pardoned Snowden too.  Trump will probably start arresting journalists.  You know, he's the first president since Truman who was never in government.  He's also the first president who was ever divorced.

THE WOMEN AT THE TABLE EAT THEIR CHINESE FOOD, OCCASIONALLY NODDING AS THE YOUNG MAN GOES ON.  

You know, Trump just came out against abortion to please the Republicans.  He was never against it before.  He was a Democrat forever but he said once that if he were going to run for office he'd run as a Republican 'cause there the only ones stupid enough to vote for him...

THE GROUP SETTLES THE BILL AND LEAVES THE RESTAURANT.  EMMA LEANS BACK IN HER CHAIR AND SPREADS HER LEGS, IMITATING THE PONTIFICATOR.

EMMA
And Obama didn't pardon Chelsea.  He commuted her sentence.  And he couldn't pardon Eddie Snowden because he hasn't been sentenced to anything.  And Harry Truman was actually a senator and Roosevelt's vice president. General Eisenhower was the one who'd never held office.  And Reagan had been divorced. And that "stupid Republicans" sounds right but Snopes says it's total bullshit.  But I'm a man and it's fine that I should lecture to a bunch of women after the march.

NATE
Wearing a stupid hat.

INEZ
I bet he had a stupid sign too.

HELEN
We should have made signs.

CUT TO
EMMA IS IN HER ROOM PACKING A SUITCASE.  THE BED IS MADE UP WITH DISNEY POCAHONTAS SHEETS. HELEN COMES IN WITH A STACK OF FOLDED LAUNDRY.

EMMA
Shit, that's not all gonna fit.

HELEN
Yeah, it will.  I'll roll everything up.  Do you really want to take back the Pocahontas sheets though?

EMMA
I love 'em.  I love that you saved them but my bed is actually a double so I guess I won't.  I do want a couple of aprons if you can spare 'em.

HELEN
I dunno.  I only have about five hundred aprons...

EMMA
Can I have the one with the doggie pockets?

HELEN
Yeah sure.  Are you really going back to work at Irv's?  You don't have to.

EMMA
Nah, I like it.  There's sort of a zen to chopping vegetables and washing dishes.  Gets me out of my head a little and for sure I can use the money.

HELEN
We'll help you.  You should focus on your senior project.

EMMA
I think I can manage to keep working.  If it gets too much I'll let you know.

HELEN
You know, this month is the longest you've been home since you started college.  Thank God you've been here.

EMMA
Yeah,  It's been amazing.  I'm sad to leave.

HELEN BITES HER LIP

EMMA
We are not going to start crying.  We are not going to start crying.  I will see you in five months and then you'll be stuck with me indefinitely after graduation.  I'll give you something to really cry about.

HELEN
Ok.  I'll maintain.  But it's such a fucked up time. You've been such a beautiful distraction.  It's weird, you sweat so much to do right by your kids. Potty training. Finding the right schools. All that adolescent angst and drama. And whether by nature or nurture, you and Bananie have turned into these amazing people who I cherish being around.  And you're always leaving.

EMMA
And coming back.  I'm coming back soon. After the novelty wears off, you'll hate it.  I promise.  I'll borrow your clothes without asking and never clean out the lint filter on the dryer...if Cheeto doesn't get us blown off the face of the earth.  

HELEN OPENS THE DRESSER DRAWER AND PULLS OUT EMMA'S PUSSYHAT.

HELEN
Don't forget this.  I have something else for you.  If you want it.

HELEN REACHES INTO HER POCKET, TAKES OUT A SMALL FELT BAG, REMOVES A BRACELET AND OFFERS IT TO EMMA.

EMMA (TAKING BRACELET)
If I want it?  It's amazing. I've never seen it before.

HELEN
Yeah, I don't bother much with jewelry any more.  It's Spratling silver.  From Taxco. Back before you and Sis, when there was some disposable income.  It is cool, isn't it? Try it on.

HELEN HELPS EMMA PUT ON THE BRACELET AND THEY BOTH ADMIRE IT.

HELEN
Wow Em.  You've got all this little nick and burn scars.  You're getting restaurant hands. You gotta be careful.  Remember...

EMMA
I know.  Beware of dull knives.

HELEN
Yeah, take care of your pretty little hands.

EMMA (holding out her hands)
I like 'em.  They're starting to look like your hands.

CUT TO
HELEN AND FIDO ARE CURLED UP ON EMMA'S BED. HELEN IS CRYING AND FIDO IS LICKING HER FACE. IAN ENTERS.

IAN
Oh, there you are.  What are you doing there?

HELEN
Oh, it's your dinner time.  I'll heat up some soup.

IAN
Are you crying?

HELEN
Just a little.  I'm OK.

IAN
Emma will be back before you know it.  Maybe we'll even take a little road trip to Montreal after she graduates.  And you gotta forget about this Trump stuff.  I'm starting to worry about you.

HELEN
I'm OK.  Really.  It's sort of comforting in a weird way.  Saying goodbye to someone you love is a natural sorrow.  Sweet.  It's familiar.  This other thing, the odiousness of the most powerful person on the planet. It's "hate" sad.  There's never been anything like this. It's like I'm in a straitjacket and watching the universe fall apart.

IAN
You wanna go out for dinner?

HELEN
Really?

IAN
Yeah.  Wherever you want to go.

HELEN
Daikokuya?

IAN
The parking's a nightmare. 
CUT

Friday, January 20, 2017

A handful of Black Friday haiku


Now it's a done deal.
Prevaricator in chief
Wake me in four years.

Reagan, Bush times two,
Even lyin' Dickie Nixon
now seem so benign.


Kellyanne Conway
has feminist role model.
Cruella DeVille


The Cabinet

White male cabinet?
Most minorities too smart?
Kakistocracy.

All Secretaries
combined, have higher IQ
than a chest of drawers.


DEPARTMENT OF STATE
Rex Tillerson

Tillerson, Boy Scout,
Exxon Mobil CEO,
Vladimir's bestie.

DEPARTMENT OF THE TREASURY
Steven Mnuchin

Hollywood Mnuchin
Goldman Sachs and foreclosures
greed and bad movies.

DEPARTMENT OF DEFENSE
General James Mattis

Maddog Mattis says
“Be polite to those you meet,
but plan to kill them.”

DEPARTMENT OF JUSTICE
Jeff Sessions

Who needs voting rights?
asks 'Bama Jeffrey Sessions.
Is justice still blind?

DEPARMENT OF HOMELAND SECURITY
General John Kelly

General Kelly
Knows less than Trump 'bout Isis
Do you feel safe now?

DEPARTMENT OF HEALTH AND HUMAN SERVICES
Tom Price

Doc Tom Price is rare.
Has worked in real government!
And lined his pockets.

DEPARTMENT OF HOUSING AND URBAN DEVELOPMENT
Ben Carson

Doctor Ben Carson
dispels the time worn myth that
brain surgeons are smart.

DEPARTMENT OF ENERGY
Rick Perry

Governor Perry
“Energy” his “oops” moment,
now fox in henhouse.

DEPARTMENT OF LABOR
Andrew Puzder


Andrew Pudzer loves
sexy girls eating burgers
minimum wage not.

DEPARTMENT OF TRANSPORTATION
Elaine Chao


Elaine Chao may be fine
but for one big “ick” factor
Mitch McConnell's wife.

DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION
Betsy DeVos

Christian school vouchers
Defending kids from grizzlies
She'll learn us real good.

DEPARTMENT OF THE INTERIOR
Ryan Zinke

Heck, we got plenty!
58 National Parks
Let's drill baby drill!


DEPARTMENT OF COMMERCE
Wilbur Ross

How many workers
lost jobs so that Wilbur Ross
could amass billions?

SECRETARY OF AGRICULTURE
Sonny Purdue

Statehouse prayers for rain.
Sonny is a great last pick,
one more old white dude.




Friday, January 13, 2017

sixtysomething Episode 14 Vitriol and Egg Rolls



FADE IN
HELEN'S KITCHEN.  HELEN PIPES PATE INTO PASTRY SHELLS AS INEZ SITS ON A STOOL AT THE COUNTER.

INEZ
I still sort of feel like I want to go march in Washington.  I guess it's too late now.  

HELEN
Yeah.  Thought about it.  How surreal to be in a place crawling with two such diametrically opposed factions.  Nasty broads and Trumpers. Sheila is trying to get me to go to the march in Pasadena.

INEZ
Nah. Marching in Pasadena is wishy washy.   I I can get not going to D.C. but really, Pasadena? What kind of commitment is that if you can go the extra 15 minutes to downtown? Are you making a sign?

HELEN
I can't think of anything pithy.  I'll probably get one of those crocheted pussy ear hats from Etsy.  I don't know if all this mobilization is gonna accomplish anything but God, something's gotta make me feel better.

INEZ
Yeah, it's a new breed of adversary I guess. (IN STENTORIAN VOICE) But remember our nation's rich history of effective protest. Civil rights.  Got us out of Vietnam.  Women. Gay rights.  But old school politicians were at least sensitive to public opinion. This catastrophe is a new frontier.

HELEN
Do you remember the Moratorium?

INEZ
I remember seeing it on the news.  There wasn't much spirit of dissent in Connorsville Indiana.

HELEN
I was in middle school.  We saw on TV all the cool kids with black armbands like they wear at gentile funerals.  Jewish mourners wear these little buttons with black ribbons. Gosh, I went to an L.A. public school that was about 80% Jewish.  Can you imagine that now? Anyhew, some rabbi's kid stole a couple of cartons of mourning badges and we all wore 'em.  We thought it would make a big splash. No one paid any attention.  We were crestfallen.  

INEZ (admiring Helen's handiwork)
Those look good.

HELEN SURVEYS THE TRAY OF HORS D'OEUVRES, FINDS A SLIGHTLY MISSHAPEN ONE AND OFFERS IT TO INEZ.

INEZ
Oh man.  Trout?

HELEN
Whitefish.

INEZ
Who for?

HELEN
Wedding in Topanga.  Very high maintenance folks.  Applying the asshole surcharge. Which reminds me, Christy's gonna be here soon. It's your fault so you gotta shill.

INEZ
What are you talking about?

HELEN
She wants a spread for some Occidental College fundraiser and I'm pretty sure that she doesn't expect to pay. In a different time I might do a super deep discount but now I'm saving it all up for Planned Parenthood and immigrant rights. Plus both of my girls were turned down by Oxy.  Anyway, back me up. You're obliged.

INEZ
What do I have to do with it?

HELEN
She's your neighbor.

INEZ
So what. You know her too.

HELEN
Yeah, but if she weren't living three doors down from you I would have unknown her decades ago. Just hang here and affirm that this is a business and not a hobby and there's no free buffet.

INEZ
Yeah, She is cheap.  She just bought a big Motherwell for the foyer but Joe next door caught her on video stealing his paper.

HELEN
Remember that bullshit with the nursery school silent auction?

INEZ
Oh yeah.  Vaguely.  Some brouhaha.

HELEN
Yeah.  She won the auction for Carol Goldblatt's condo in Mammoth for a week and never paid for it.

INEZ
Oh yeah.  That's right.  She claimed she'd paid in cash but didn't remember who she'd given it too.

HELEN
Right, Just to keep things civil Carol ended up writing a check herself.  Five hundred smackers for her own friggin' condo. 

HELEN MOVES TO ANOTHER COUNTER TO REFILL PASTRY BAG.  INEZ SQUEEZES ONE OF THE HORS D'OEUVRES A BIT.  HELEN RETURNS TO THE TRAY, NOTICES THE MISSHAPEN CANAPE AND HANDS IT TO INEZ.

HELEN
Don't fuck up any more of them.  That whitefish is twenty two bucks a pound.  There are some cookies in the jar if you're hungry.

INEZ GRABS THE JAR AND EATS

HELEN
You know, I was telling Hannah that one of the advantages of being sixty is that you have a good radar about people.  It's much easier at my age to know right away when a relationship isn't worth pursuing.

INEZ
Yeah, but Hannah's butt doesn't droop.

HELEN
Your butt is fine.  I've sort of gotten to the kernel of why we're such a mess now.

INEZ
Speak, oh wise one.

HELEN
Part of getting so friggin' old is that I've shed most of my malice.

INEZ
'splain.

HELEN
I was totally hooked on the adrenaline of being put upon and indignant for most of my life.  Thanks mom.  But now, there are people I don't like very much...

INEZ
Yeah, volumes.

HELEN
Fuck you bitch. I know now who not to engage with.  I love not having to put any energy into hate and loathing.  It's this fabulous liberating benefit of ancientness.  But now, with this spray tanned monster, I'm full of venom again. It's poisoning me and I'm afraid it will be at least four years until I snap out of it.

INEZ
I hate to admit it, but you're totally onto something. The first thought in my head when I woke up this morning was a hope that they'd turn up a tape of Trump in his BVDs egging on a bunch of Russian whores to pee on the bed Obama slept in.

HELEN
See!  It's been years since I fantasized about someone being humiliated.   But I keep praying that it comes out that Putin has him totally blackmailed or that he's zillions of dollars in debt to Russia. I want him sentenced to life in prison for treason. I hate that the asshole has driven me to hate. Maybe a huge march will help me tamp that down a bit.

INEZ
Yeah, that, or a trip to the dispensary.

CUT TO
INEZ SITS ON A STOOL EATING COOKIES.  CHRISTY SITS NEXT TO HER.  HELEN FUSSES IN THE KITCHEN.

HELEN
How many people Christy?

CHRISTY
About fifty have RSVPed but you know how people always show up without RSVPing.  I'm thinking probably seventy five or eighty.

HELEN
Are you thinking passed or stations or both?

CHRISTY
I guess both.  The spread you did for Inez's 60th was fantastic.  

HELEN (GOES TO HER LAPTOP, BRINGS UP A FILE AND READS)
Ok. Nezy's party.  There were two stations. The bruschetta bar and the yakitori table. For passed we did the lobster egg rolls, Mexican street corn, wild mushroom crepes, pressed watermelon and tuna tostadas.

INEZ
Those lobster egg rolls maybe the best thing I've ever eaten in my life.

CHRISTY
Oh that all sounds so yummy.  This is great of you Helen.

HELEN
You'll need two servers at both stations, someone in the kitchen and two for passing. Do you need a bartender too?

CHRISTY
Yeah, sure.

HELEN
Nezy, in the green folder on my desk there's an appetizer price list and then in the blue one is all the staffing breakdown.

CHRISTY REGISTERS SURPRISE. INEZ RISES, FETCHES THE LISTS AND HANDS THEM TO CHRISTY

INEZ
World's best caterer.  Worth every penny.

(INEZ AND HELEN EXCHANGE A GLANCE)

HELEN
Christy, we'll give you the 10 percent friend discount.

CHRISTY (HALF HEARTEDLY)
Thanks Helen.  You know, I'm thinking maybe it's only going to be fifty people.

HELEN
Okie dokey.  The station prices listed should cover about fifty people...

CHRISTY
Maybe the stations will be a bit much.  I'm thinking maybe just the passed appetizers.

HELEN
Okie dokey.  You figure 6 hors d'oeuvres per person so you're looking at about 25 dozen for fifty people.

CHRISTY
Oh.  The prices are for a dozen?

HELEN
Yup.  But remember, I'm taking off 10%.

CHRISTY
I don't think we're going to need the lobster egg rolls.  Maybe just the street corn and the pressed watermelon.  Keep it simple.

HELEN
So just two items?

CHRISTY
Yeah.  That should be fine.

HELEN
The corn and the watermelon are our least expensive,  $50 per dozen so 25 dozen comes to $1250.  And you'll only need one kitchen person and a single server and of course the bartender

CHRISTY
Maybe I can just pick up the stuff from you and serve it myself? And Pete can tend bar.

HELEN
Okie Dokey.   I do have to warn you that you've got two appetizers that don't have protein.  They're not filling so people may eat more than six a piece.

CHRISTY
I don't think it's a big eating crowd.

HELEN
Okie Dokey.  I'll just need a 10% deposit now and the rest when you pick up the food.  I'll throw in some of my own serving ware. Just make sure to return it.

CHRISTY
Let me run this by Pete just to make sure. I'll mail you the deposit check tomorrow.

HELEN
Okie Dokey.

CUT TWO HELEN AND INEZ HUDDLED TOGETHER AT THE COUNTER LICKING WHITEFISH PATE FROM THE PASTRY BAG OFF THEIR FINGERS.

HELEN
Christy's totally going to Costco.

INEZ
Totally Costco.  Baby carrots and runny yogurt dip.  How much are those knitted pussy hats?

HELEN
Twenty five or so.

INEZ
I'll buy 'em for us.

HELEN
Okie Dokey.

CUT

Friday, January 6, 2017

sixtynothing Episode 13 Auld Lang Syne




FADE IN
NATE STANDS IN THE LIVING ROOM OF HIS NEW EMPTY HOUSE LOOKING AT THE FOUR WALLS WHICH HAVE LARGE NUMBERED SQUARES OF DIFFERENT SHADES OF GREEN PAINT.  INEZ ENTERS.

INEZ
Hi kid.  I can see that Helen's been here.

NATE
Yup.  But she's right.  The colors look totally different at different times of day.  

NATE POINTS TO ONE OF THE SQUARES

NATE
Helen likes this one. The best, isn't it?

INEZ
Yeah.  You can't really come down on her for being impossibly bossy 'cause she's usually right.

HELEN (calling from bedroom)
I'm still here.

HELEN ENTERS
HELEN
What did you say about me?

INEZ
Impossibly bossy?

HELEN
No the other thing.  The good thing.

INEZ
Nope.  Not giving you the satisfaction.  Where's your car?

HELEN
I walked.

INEZ
Bullshit.  The only walking you've done since the election has been to the refrigerator.

HELEN
Hannah dropped me.  You have to drive me home.

INEZ
Then we gotta go soon.  I gotta a lot of stuff to do.

HELEN
I see you had your nails done.  I've never seen you with polish.

INEZ HOLDS OUT HER HANDS AND EXAMINES HER NAILS

INEZ
I know.  It looks and feels weird.

HELEN
Yeah.  A strange and foreign concept.  Grooming.

NATE'S PHONE RINGS AND HE BEGINS TO TALK.

HELEN
Come see the bedroom.

CUT TO HELEN AND INEZ IN THE BEDROOM WHICH HAS A VARIETY OF BLUE PAINT SQUARES ON THE WALL.

HELEN
Blue paint is the hardest.  

HELEN POINTS TO A SQUARE

HELEN
You like this?

INEZ
That's lovely.  Beautiful shade.

HELEN MOVES CLOSER TO INEZ

HELEN
Oh my God.  You got highlights and a decent cut.  And your eyebrows! You've got two of 'em! Wowzie!  The best laid plans for getting laid.

INEZ
Shut up.  Nate's in the next room.

HELEN
You haven't told him yet?

INEZ
I told him the truth.  I'm having New Year's Eve dinner with a nice man that I met in Indiana and is in L.A. visiting his cousin.

HELEN
Did you get a bikini wax?  Pubic hair apparently is retro but not in a good way.

INEZ
You are so fucking impossible...the most painful experience of my life.

HELEN
And now if you're going to keep doing it, you're going to have to keep doing it.  You don't want your boy toy to get rug burn.

INEZ
For God sakes Helen.  Can you cut me a bit of slack?

HELEN
Oh, that reminds me.  You better have some lubricant.  The silicone kind works best.  I bet you can borrow some from Nate.

NATE ENTERS.  INEZ COVERS HER FACE WITH HER HANDS AND SHAKES HER HEAD.

NATE
Borrow what from me?

HELEN
Guitar strings.  In case she wants to serenade her boyfriend.

INEZ STARES DAGGERS AT HELEN.

NATE
So Indiana man is a boyfriend?  Good for you Mom. Wire or nylon strings?

CUT TO-
INEZ AND MATT SIT AT HER DINING TABLE.  THE CATS, SHUT INTO THE GUEST BEDROOM YOWL.

MATT
Your cats sound pissed off. You can let them out if you want.  I'm not allergic.  I actually like cats.

INEZ
Maybe I will when the table is cleared.  They have a bit of confusion about boundaries.

MATT
My cat Hector used to lap up the milk out of my cereal bowl.

INEZ
Well multiply that by five and it's way less cute.

MATT
Five?  You didn't tell me there were five.  I only saw three when we Skyped.

INEZ
Marge is bashful so you wouldn't have seen her and Debbie and Larry look almost exactly alike so I'm sure you thought that they were just one.  But otherwise, really, I think I've managed to avoid lonely spinster cliches.

MATT
Funny that the male counterpart for "spinster" is "bachelor" which isn't at all pejorative.

INEZ
Yeah.  There should be a new word.  What about "spin-sir?"

MATT
Yeah,  I like that.  As a"spin-sir" I eat mainly Lean Cuisine meals with a spork stolen from the Dairy Queen and seated on the sofa, in front of the TV with Rachel Maddow, when it's not basketball season.   And I've been known to drink instant coffee.

INEZ
Wow.  Five cats has nothing on you babe.  But I suspect public opinion is probably harsher on a divorcee than a widower....Oh God.  Was that crass?  Sometimes I just don't think...

MATT
I am a widower Inez.  I am a widower whose wife was gunned down at the age of 52 in an orgy of senseless violence, in a country that can't seem to do a fucking thing about gun control no matter how many innocents are murdered.  And therefore my late wife is beatified and I am compelled to stifle the inevitable mixed feelings that result from a 30 year marriage.

INEZ
So you're branded tragic hero, no matter what.

MATT
People mean well.  Really they do.  But I can't shake the victim badge.  After the shooting I knew I had to leave Oregon.  Art, my youngest was at Purdue so I went ahead an applied to the job in Connorsville.  I was really surprised that this bible belt district would actually consider a left coast liberal intellectual.  They could have easily googled my writings and seen my progressive bent but they hired me anyway.  Later I found out that all three of the letters of recommendation they got from my old district mentioned how I'd lost my wife.

INEZ
Christ.  That's shitty on so many levels.

MATT
And now Art's graduated and back in Oregon and I'm stuck in Indiana where they hate pretty much everything I stand for, but in respect for my circumstance, bend over backwards to stay polite.  

INEZ
Have you dated?

MATT
It's a small town.  There are a handful of single attractive women but I think the specter of the martyred wife is intimidating.  


CUT TO INEZ AND MATT SEATED ON THE SOFA.  MATT OPENS A BOTTLE OF CHAMPAGNE, POURS TWO GLASSES AND THEY BOTH DRINK

MATT
Is your boy coming home tonight?  

INEZ
No,  He's got a date and they rented a hotel room Downtown.

MATT
I listened to his album, or whatever they call it these days, on I-tunes.  Really astonishing.  How long has his dad been out of the picture?

INEZ
Was in and out for a while but I made it official when Nate was about nine.  My ex is a real sad story. At least Nate got his talent.

MATT
But not the demons?

INEZ
Kid is great.  I think the dissolute dad thing hurts him but no real demons.

MATT
I suspect some of the talent comes from his mom too.  And I imagine that the mental health can be attributed to good mothering.

INEZ
Nah.  Probably minimal mothering.  I had to work my tail off.

MATT
So no time for romance?

INEZ
I've dated sporadically.   And it's only because I'm more than a little tipsy that I will confess that I had a thing for about five years with a married guy.  Poetically just I guess is that I dumped him the week after his wife did.  He got remarried to some young thing.  Now he's 68 years old and has five year old twins and she's pregnant again.

MATT
And it's only because I'm a little tipsy that I will confess to you that about six weeks before Betty was murdered I found out that she'd been sleeping with the dean of her department. I've never told anybody that.

INEZ
I guess I'm honored.  And so sorry.  Look!  It's almost midnight!

BOTH TAKE ANOTHER SIP OF CHAMPAGNE AND FALL INTO A PASSIONATE KISS.  SFX--GUNS FIRE-

MATT
Midnight gunshots!  Just like back in Indiana.  Never had that in Oregon but now I'm used to it.  And something else I could get used to...

MATT PULLS INEZ BACK TO HIM AND THEY KISS

CUT TO

INEZ AND MATT LIE IN HER BED.  INEZ AWAKENS AND SEES MATT LYING BESIDE HER.  SHE RISES QUIETLY.   NAKED, SHE PADS INTO THE BATHROOM, GARGLES, BRUSHES HER HAIR AND ADMIRES HER PERKY-FOR-THEIR AGE TITS.

CUT TO
INEZ RETURNS TO BED.  MATT PULLS HER TO HIM AND KISSES HER HAIR.

FADE OUT